If you are planning a wedding in North Carolina, you have likely encountered a warning that sounds something like this:
“Marriages performed by online ordained officiants aren’t legal.”
It is often shared with urgency and very little explanation. For couples already navigating contracts, timelines, and emotional weight, that statement can create immediate fear. But here is the problem with that statement: it oversimplifies the law and leaves out critical context.
There are legal nuances in North Carolina when it comes to who is authorized to solemnize a marriage. That part is true. What is not accurate is the claim that these marriages are automatically illegal or instantly invalid. The law does not work that way, and understanding the difference matters.
The distinction most people skip: Void vs. Voidable
Much of the confusion comes from failing to distinguish between void and voidable marriages.
A void marriage is one the law treats as if it never existed. In North Carolina, marriages are void in situations involving legal impossibilities, such as bigamy or close blood relationships.
When a marriage is void, no divorce is required because there is no marriage to dissolve. There is no marital property, no alimony, and no spousal rights. Any shared assets are handled under contract or property law, not family law.
A voidable marriage is different. A voidable marriage has a legal defect, but it is still treated as valid unless and until a court declares it invalid.
Common reasons a marriage may be considered voidable include an officiant who was not properly authorized (the reason for this article), fraud, lack of mental capacity, or age-related issues.
Until a voidable marriage is challenged in court, it functions like any other marriage. The couple is legally married. Divorce is required to end it. Property may be divided. Support may be awarded.
Most couples in voidable marriages never know there was a defect, and they live their entire married lives without the issue ever being raised.
How online ordinations are viewed in North Carolina
North Carolina law requires marriages to be solemnized by someone authorized under state statute. Courts have ruled that certain online ordinations, particularly those without a recognized religious body or established structure, do not meet that requirement.
That does not mean the marriage is automatically void. It means the marriage may be voidable.
This distinction is often lost in online discussions and marketing claims. A voidable marriage exists unless someone later asks a court to invalidate it. That is very different from saying the marriage never existed at all.
North Carolina appellate courts have addressed this issue directly. In cases such as Pickard v. Pickard and Duncan v. Duncan, the courts did not focus solely on whether the officiant met every technical requirement. Instead, they examined how the parties lived and relied on the marriage.
The question became whether it would be fair to allow one spouse to deny the marriage after holding themselves out as married, sharing finances, or building a life together. That leads us to how equitable estoppel comes into play.
What is equitable estoppel, you ask? Well, simply put, equitable estoppel prevents someone from taking a legal position that contradicts their prior actions when doing so would be unfair.
In the context of marriage, courts may apply estoppel when a spouse attempts to claim the marriage was never valid, even after years of living as married and benefiting from that status. When estoppel applies, the court treats the marriage as valid for purposes of divorce, property division, and support, even if there was a defect at the beginning.
Basically, this is the court ruling that someone cannot accept the benefits of marriage and later deny its existence when responsibility or money becomes an issue. Nice try, though.
Why scare tactics do more harm than good
Saying that marriages performed by online ordained officiants are “illegal” skips over important legal nuances. It ignores how voidable marriages function and how courts actually handle real disputes. More importantly, it creates fear instead of clarity. Couples deserve accurate information so they can make informed decisions, not pressure driven by incomplete statements.
Officiant authorization does matter. Couples should understand the legal framework in North Carolina. But fear-based messaging often serves marketing goals rather than the people receiving it.
That just isn’t my style….
A note on my ordination as a non-religiously affiliated officiant
Transparency matters to me, and that includes being open about my credentials.
I am accepting of all faiths and spiritual paths, but I am not affiliated with any structured religion. My approach is more free-spirited and does not fit within a brick-and-mortar religious institution. Because of that, ordination through a traditional religious establishment never felt right for me and how I wanted to serve couples.
I initially chose to become ordained through Universal Life Church, and I have always been open about that. As I continued researching officiant authorization in North Carolina, however, I also recognized that couples deserve an added layer of care wherever it is reasonably possible to provide one.
That research led me to the work of Phil Lingle of Love & Wisdom, Inc., who, in partnership with Spirit of Love Ministry, Inc., developed a framework specifically in response to North Carolina case law. This process focuses on clearer structure, documentation, and ministerial authority than many generalized online ordination paths.
After reviewing this framework, I followed the required steps and became ordained through Spirit of Love Ministry, Inc. Not out of a place of fear or need to promise a sense of certainty, but by a desire to operate with clarity and provide additional ease of mind for all of my clients, while reducing avoidable risk where possible.
Still, there is one important note that should be clearly stated:
No officiant, no marriage, and no legal structure is immune from challenge under every possible circumstance. Courts exist because life is complex. Laws are interpreted in context, and people raise disputes for many reasons.
What it all comes down to…..
Here is the grounded reality: A marriage performed by an unauthorized officiant in North Carolina may be voidable, but isn’t automatically void. Voidable marriages are treated as valid unless challenged in court, and the majority never are.
That means the risk is not that a marriage disappears the moment the ceremony ends. The risk is that a future legal conflict could give someone an argument to raise. Courts do not favor that argument, but it exists. When people have built lives, finances, and families on a marriage they believed was real, North Carolina courts often protect that reliance and an estoppel is put in place.
Understanding this distinction allows couples to make thoughtful decisions instead of fearful ones.
I do not use fear tactics, and I do not want couples to feel pressured by them in any case.
My purpose here will never be to scare anyone into a particular choice. I will always strive to explain the law clearly, answer questions honestly, and support couples in making decisions that align with their values and their comfort with risk.
There is no one-size-fits-all answer. There is only informed consent, transparency, and intention.
That is what couples deserve.
And one last thing. If you are drawn to an officiant that is ordained online, or you want someone close to you to marry you but still feel uncertain after all the legal discussion, there is a simple option to consider. Some couples choose to be legally married in a private ceremony with a magistrate or a brick-and-mortar minister, and then invite the officiant they love to lead their wedding day ceremony. This allows you to honor both your peace of mind and the meaning you want your celebration to hold.
Whatever you decide, Kindred Unions will be ready to tell your love story.
Elizabeth Love-Lowery
Lead Officiant & Coordinator
Kindred Unions
P.S…….
I am not a legal attorney and this is not legal advice. This is a summary of my own research and what I have learned through that process, offered here to provide transparency and peace of mind for the couples I serve.
If you have questions or want to talk through your options calmly and clearly, that conversation is always welcome.
Sources
https://www.ncleg.gov/EnactedLegislation/Statutes/HTML/BySection/Chapter_51/GS_51-1.html
https://caselaw.findlaw.com/court/nc-court-of-appeals/1657846.html
https://caselaw.findlaw.com/court/nc-court-of-appeals/1210455.html
https://loveandwisdominc.com/the-truth-about-online-ordinations-in-nc/
Add comment
Comments